1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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