i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
