oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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