Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Alive.
So much puke
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
