apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
