is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
