It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
