This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
