I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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