I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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