Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
