good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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