I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
