We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience