He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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