Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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