Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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