she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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