thus making me awesome and them whores
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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