His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
