Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
