stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
