but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
