So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
