wanna go halves on a baby?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
