Where did you get a picture of my penis
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
