Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
