he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The Olympian is in my bed
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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