Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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