I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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