Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
