I feel like abortions should bother me more
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
