dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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