Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
