it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
