Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
