Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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