seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
