i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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