I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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