I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
