i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
