why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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