he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
