After last night, I could never be a politician.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
