I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
