She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i now understand why vodka
When are your genitals available?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
