the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
3pm strippers are depressing
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
