And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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