dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
