I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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