drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
