one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
