The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
