In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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