On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
