seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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