you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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