i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
