I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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