omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
