Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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