My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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