I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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