She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
