Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
