They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You pole danced in your parka.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
