I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
