Dual....:-)
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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