Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
