the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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