life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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