toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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