found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
