I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
