I got chris browned last night
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
