Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
