So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
