ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
