Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
