When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
