my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
