Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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