I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
