The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
