Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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